confession: today was hard. again.

Sometimes I love staying at home with my little Lyla-bug and cuddling with her on the couch as I read a new book and stare at her cute sleeping face. Today was not one of those days. Today I felt like a sleep deprived zombie wandering around the house waiting for time to pass. I'm not sure which was worse - wanting the day to quickly pass or wanting time to stop so another day wouldn't show up.

Today I prolonged getting out of bed because we were up almost every hour throughout the night. Today I was proud to get a shower, but then had to quickly dry off and nurse my hungry baby while I was still naked. Today I tried to follow the advice to "sleep when baby sleeps", but after only half an hour she woke up again. Today I stood at the window waiting for my husband to come home, knowing full well that even when he did baby would probably want to stay in my arms and attached at the breast. Today we stayed in pajamas because why bother?

I am grateful that most days I have an easy baby who doesn't cry much. I am grateful that so far my postpartum recovery has gone pretty smoothly. I am grateful we easily breastfeed with no problems. But that doesn't mean I'm grateful for today.

I sometimes feel guilty because I've managed to escape so many of the problems other moms have, yet it's still true that sometimes I want a break, I want to walk away, I want time with my husband and no baby, or I want to be able to get water or go to the bathroom when I need to without having to move a sleeping baby off of me first. People say it will get better, get easier, becomes less boring, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm stuck in the hard times of now. And that's exactly how it feels - stuck.

Lyla's newborn pictures

These were actually taken when Lyla was 3 1/2 weeks old, with major thanks to marielongphotography.com who came to our rescue after I was sorely disappointed with our first photographer's pictures. These ones turned out to be everything I wanted and I would highly recommend her to anyone!