Enter the main parent worry: sleep. We'd like them to eventually sleep through the night, fall asleep on their own, and get good naps during the day. But newborns start with odd sleeping habits and schedules that if you don't know much about them can cause extra worry that you're not doing things right. Or as least it did for me. You see, my baby likes to sleep in my arms. For every nap and all through the night. We have to rock her to sleep (read: swaddle baby, bounce on the exercise ball next to a fan, while making shhhhing noises) every time and in the evening this often takes hours until she finally closes her eyes. BUT WAIT! Does this mean she will never nap outside my arms? Am I creating a bad habit? Will I ever have time to myself or to get things done? How will she learn if I always let her sleep on me? Etc. Etc. Etc. These were the thoughts that plagued me. I read sleep books, I looked at sleep forums, and all this made me even more concerned.
And then it dawned on me. The person who knows best how my baby should sleep is my baby. Newborns need to be coddled at every moment because they are born immature compared to every other creature and they need our help as parents to feel safe, fall asleep, and stay asleep. There is no possibility of spoiling a baby and no they are not capable of self soothing. So why stress?
Suddenly everything got easier. Do I get more done? Nope, I barely get anything done. Does she sleep outside my arms? Nope, but I trust the time will come when she is willing to do so. Now and then I give it a try to see if the time is right. Do I plan on sleep training? There will be no babies left to cry in this house, not even for a minute.
It's all about perspective and I'm choosing to change mine. I'm coming to terms with the reality of baby sleep and trading temporary "productivity" for snuggles with my little girl. I'd say it's more productive to foster a nurturing relationship and give my baby what she needs to feel happy and safe. It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make even if there are moments I wish differently. I've realized I have a high-needs baby and that's ok (I'll just ignore all the unicorn babies who don't have sleep issues). She won't want to sleep on my lap forever (though sometimes I wonder) and one day I'll miss her tiny body nestled against mine.
My biggest piece of advice to new parents would be to follow your baby's lead and tend to his/her every need. Do your research, then listen to your gut, and ignore everybody who thinks they know what you should be doing. They don't because only your baby does. Once you realize this, stop stressing, and let go of the guilt. You will feel a lot better. Parenting itself may not get easier but it will feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. I know I felt it.
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For those who also have high needs babies, or just need some support, I'd recommend reading this article on accepting the reality of infant and toddler sleep, this article on loving the "bad habit" of bed-sharing, and joining the Sleepy Littles group on Facebook.
