The other day at lunch we (me and the teachers I work with) were talking about babies and pregnancy. I was asked how I was feeling about my pregnancy and I said great, just starting to panic a little bit about how we don't have many supplies yet (but that's what baby showers are for, right?). Someone else chimed in "what about the birth?!" indicating that that's what they would be most worried about. I simply stated I wasn't worried about that at all, to which I received plenty of "how?!" "why?!" and "well I am"! comments. I suppose that in all my reading of positive birth stories I had forgotten that most everyone else is still afraid of the pains of childbirth. But I'm not, even though this will be my first child. Here is why.
Fear conditioning All around us, the world talks about the pains of childbirth; we grow up hearing birth horror stories and debates about whether it hurts more to give birth or get kicked in the testicles. Watch any movie or TV show and you'll see a woman lying on her back, screaming in agony, and begging for any and all pain medication (not representative of most births). Luckily, I haven't heard many birth horror stories in my life and have managed to steer clear of them since becoming pregnant, but give yourself a moment to think about how the notion of birth being a 10 on the pain scale might be due (at least in some degree) to our social conditioning. What if natural birth was just that - natural
One day I realized that the term "natural birth" may be exactly that. Wouldn't it make sense if a woman's body was built to give birth? If you've ever watched an animal give birth, there's never much indication they are laboring, let alone in any kind of pain. They just lay there and then a baby slides out. Can't we have something similar? Conditions in which a woman's pelvis is too small or a baby is too big are actually extremely rare. There are plenty of woman who have given birth peacefully and naturally. Typically this occurs when they are in a relaxed setting with a care provider they trust, having prepared with a method of childbirth that allows them to relax and work/move through contractions. If you don't believe that this is possible, I have plenty of books and birth stories to share with evidence that proves this. Preparation! By this point I have read so many birth books that there will be few surprises during my birth experience. Of course, things could go differently than planned, but I've researched all the likely scenarios and their consequences. Perhaps most importantly, I have armed myself with the knowledge needed to create a birth plan and stand up for what I am and am not ok with. I've also read and a watched a lot of positive birth stories, because I feel like that's more helpful than scaring myself with traumatic births - since it doesn't have to be that way. Soon we will be starting our Hypnobabies class - a six week course that provides complete childbirth education, covering not only the birthing process but things like partner support, breastfeeding, nutrition, etc. It's a method that gives the mother the tools to feel her body work through the pressure sensations and even discomfort, without the pain. I have also recently hired a doula, or a birth coach, who will be with me every step of my labor, including coming to my home in earlier labor, to help me through what my husband and I have learned about but never experienced. Bottom line, I have done everything I can to get ready and I feel comforted in that. Trusting your provider and the birth process
About halfway through my pregnancy I switched care providers: from an OB Dr and hospital birth setting to a midwife and birth center. Now I feel a lot more comfortable with my care provider and I KNOW for a fact that we are on the same page and she will support me in all my birth decisions. I know that I will be able to relax and give birth in a familiar, more home-like setting (the birth center). I know that birth experiences never go exactly as planned, but I trust my midwife completely to do what is best for me and the baby, without me having to fight off unnecessary interventions. I also trust my body to do what it was built to do. Birth is empowering I have been amazed during pregnancy to witness my body's ability to create life. I love feeling the little kicks inside me and I can't wait to meet her. I look forward to being able to bring this babe into the world. Many have described birth as an empowering, even spiritual experience. I look forward to joining the many woman who have earned the title of mother. I recognize that there are many who birth with an epidural, induction, c-section, etc. for various reasons. I also know there are many who have in fact experienced pain during labor and/or a traumatic birth, those are very real. However, I have chosen to birth naturally and have prepared myself with people and tools to guide me through the birth process without unnecessary intervention or pain. I expect it to be a beautiful growth experience. While there may be people who think I'm crazy, naive, or try to persuade me otherwise, at this point I will kindly tune you out and you may see my birth story in a few months. For anyone interested in more information on natural birth, Hypnobabies, how birth can be empowering etc., I'd be happy to answer questions or share any number of books, videos, and blogs I've read! For starters, here is the calmest birth I've ever seen (no graphic details). It's actually pretty boring, since it's a calm birth, so feel free to skip through to the moment the baby is born.
Before I got pregnant and knew anything about birth, if you were to ask me what my birth plans were I'd probably give some vague response about going to a hospital and yes please give me the epidural because I'm scared of the pain. Then I started doing some research.
The Business of Being Born (documentary) This film (currently on Netflix) was casually recommended to me by a Facebook friend. I would HIGHLY recommend this documentary to everybody, especially those expecting or planning on having kids soon. This was the first thing I watched/read and it totally opened my eyes to what goes on in birth, and even what probably shouldn't. All of a sudden I was left wondering if I should be more involved in planning for my birth instead of just going along with everything my Dr. said. Your Best Birth (book) This book was written a couple years later by the same women who did the documentary film, after they got such a huge positive response to the film. Somehow I picked it up from the library, not even realizing the connection. While the book still leans towards going natural it does a great job of explaining all the options and situations so you can make an informed decision. Plus, since it's a book, it was able to give more detailed information and additional resources. After reading this one, I knew I wanted to go natural (scary!), but wasn't sure how. Ina May's Guide to Childbirth (book)
Probably the most recommended natural birth book, this book showed me that natural birth is not only completely possibly, but completely natural (duh? should I have known that?). The first half of the book told positive birth stories, which helped me gain confidence in natural birth itself, while the second half guided me through talking to care providers and considering my options. Time for MORE BOOKS! At this point I wanted all the knowledge I could get. I started joining groups on Facebook (Utah Birth Forum, LDS Natural and Home Birth, Natural Birth Support Group) and asking what other moms recommended as a must read. The Gift of Giving Life (book) For those of a spiritual nature, and particularly for other LDS members, I loved this book. Not only did it share a wide variety of birth stories and situations, but the focus was all about the divine nature of birth and how we must do what is best for our babies. It brought Heavenly Mother into the picture and suggested that birth could be a time close to the veil. There were even stories of women who weren't able to have a natural birth but had spiritual confirmation that what happened was God's plan for their little one. Hypnobirthing and Hypnobabies I also started to read Hypnobirthing: The Mongan Method (highly recommended to me) and even attended a session of a friend's Hypnobirthing class. The first part of the Hypnobirthing book was fascinating. It gave me more info about the actual birth process inside my body (how it worked) and suggested that childbirth can be a comfortable, painless experience, if you practice using the relaxation/breathing techniques it taught. I'd also heard of Hypnobabies, but wasn't sure what the difference was. After asking my Facebook forums and a new midwife I was interviewing, I found that many said that Hypnobabies was more comprehensive and gave a better experience. It also provided relaxation, but as a side effect of anesthetic self-hypnosis it taught (think very deep meditation). Hypnobabies is also a complete childhood education course and covers a lot more than just birth itself. I was sold! I found myself a discounted Hypnobabies class in the area and signed up. I didn't end up finishing the Hypnobirthing book because I didn't feel like it was necessary and it started to relay information I already knew about birth. Switching from an OB/hospital to a midwife/birth center
I knew I wanted a natural birth and wanted to avoid routine hospital procedures such as an IV, continuous fetal monitoring, pitocin, epidural, episiotomy, c-section, etc. as well as include things such as delayed chord clamping, immediate skin to skin contact, delayed bath, undisturbed first hour after birth, breastfeeding, etc. but I wasn't sure I was going to get all that. I'd heard too many stories about new moms with too many interventions because they weren't progressing fast enough, or didn't have the courage to speak up, or were told their baby was in danger. (I have heard many wonderful natural hospital birth stories as well, but I was worried). I also didn't know/trust my OB well and was tired of being rushed through my appointments like another pregnant cow in the herd (something I wrote/rant about in a previous post). So I made the jump and started looking for a birth center. We toured one I had heard good things about, including from a friend I knew, and were able to spend an hour talking to the midwife about what we were looking for in care and in birth. After that there was no turning back. I felt so much more relaxed and less anxious about the whole thing. Plus, their birthing tub was HUGE! I even prayed about the decision to switch and felt like it was my decision to make, so I went with it. Finding a doula
If there's one thing I've heard about those who hire doulas it's that there were no regrets and (if it's not the first child) that they wished they'd used one sooner. At first, I definitely wanted one when planning a hospital birth so she could remind me of what I wanted and give me confidence that I could do it. Now with a wonderful midwife, birth center, and Hypnobabies I wondered if I even needed one, but I decided I heard enough wonderful things that it would probably be worth it. Plus, it's my first child and I'd like to do everything to help me prepare and have a great experience. We haven't decided on a doula yet, but working from the list of doulas the birth center gave me I'm hoping to secure one soon! The process continues There is still so much to do! Our Hypnobabies class starts the beginning of March, I still need to hire a doula, at some point I should find a natural-friendly pediatrician, and I feel like there are even more things I need to research and decide on for what happens with baby post birth. BUT, I am feeling more and more like a confident mamma bear who knows how to look out for herself and her cub. I now have many tools in place to help me and I'm excitedly looking forward to the day I get to birth and meet my little girl. My message to every mother inclined female out there is to do your research, start early(!!!!!), and don't be afraid to do what is best for you and your baby, even if it is your first time and making such big choices can be scary. If anyone has any questions, or would like to talk more about natural birth, I would LOVE to chat with you (even if we don't know each other well).
