You know how they say that most people end up doing something different than what they graduated in? Though I knew it was probably true to some degree, I thought they said that to make us feel better. Or how when you ask someone to describe how they got to where they are now there's often a sense of awe like they have to really think "how did this happen?!" I thought that was partially false too. How could you not know? How could every next step be a complete surprise? Around a year ago when I graduated but didn't continue on to grad school I quite literally hit a dead end in my life plans. It shook me up more than I let on and for a long time I went through the motions of life with no sense of direction. Getting pregnant? That was definitely an unexpected thought that once it entered my mind could not be left alone. Even then getting so involved in birth research that I now plan to teach childbirth classes was a complete fluke. In other words, I am proof that life does take completely unexpected turns that you don't plan on and no I really didn't see any of that coming. Let's talk about dead ends for a minute. For my LDS friends, you've probably seen that Mormon Message where Elder Holland describes an outing with his grandpa where in driving back home they were both prompted to take the left fork when it turned out to be a dead end. The question young Holland asks is why were we prompted to go the wrong way? Holland then reflects and teaches:
"Sometimes in response to prayers, the Lord may guide us down what seems to be the wrong road—or at least a road we don’t understand—so, in due time, He can get us firmly and without question on the right road. Of course, He would never lead us down a path of sin, but He might lead us down a road of valuable experience." Suddenly this analogy makes way more sense to me. I loved psychology and did enjoy doing research and writing papers, but it wasn't necessarily a passion and certainly not something I was thinking about all the time. I honestly felt like I should pursue a grad degree, which naively I also thought it meant I would get in and continue right after graduation. I had to hit a dead end and let that dream die before I was willing to consider another path. Looking back, I'm not sure I had the stamina to continue school and I don't think I loved it enough to be able to love it when grad school would have inevitably gotten hard and probably even sucked from time to time. Finally realizing I'm leaving this dream and this plan behind, quite possibly never to return, makes me a little sad. Kind of like how when I chose between dance classes and piano lessons as a kid, I quite tearfully gave up my life long dreams of being a ballerina when I grew up. Both were meant to be (apparently) and for the better (to be realized later), but it's still sad to finally be letting go of something I held onto and told myself would happen for so long.
Why am I rambling about all of this? I think I'm realizing more and more that life isn't like Candy Land where you simply move spaces until you reach the ice cream castle. Even if you had to go back a few spaces, the game path was always clear and always the same. Instead, where we end up and how we get there is probably more like the game of Sorry where as a blue game piece we often get bumped around and suddenly find ourselves in the home base of green. But if the plan were so obvious there would be no element of trust or guidance. Mortality wouldn't be a time of probation, but a test of how well we can play Simon Says. Logically it makes sense, but there are some things we don't quite grasp until we experience them enough to internalize it. Quite simply I am grateful to compare now vs. a year ago and see the stark difference between being in despair about what my life would become, and now about to welcome our daughter into the world and actually having a vague career plan that both includes both being mom and something I care about/can feasibly do. Hopefully I can remember all this the next time I have a quarter life crisis and need some perspective and patience.
For decades there have been Bradley method and Lamaze classes (both created around 1950), two of the most well known birthing methods. In comparison, Hypnobabies is relatively new (since 2001), but I was intrigued to learn more after hearing nothing but high praise for this program. Even my midwife said she saw the best labors in those who had practiced Hypnobabies! Also, one has to wonder if we've created better birthing methods since the 50's. Explaining the name No, there is no hypnotizing of babies. Yes, there is hypnosis, but not the goofy stage hypnosis you're probably picturing. Turns out hypnosis is a natural state of mind we do frequently. Ever missed your exit because you were zoned out driving? Hypnosis. Ever not realized someone was talking to you because you were so absorbed in a book? Hypnosis. Ever day-dreamed in class only to realize you suddenly have no idea what the teacher is talking about? Hypnosis! Hypnobabies basics "Hypnobabies is a very successful 6 week, 3-hour per week, complete childbirth education course that was adapted with permission from Master Hypnotherapist Gerald Kein's "Painless Childbirth Program" techniques rather than using simple relaxation, breathing or guided imagery... Hypnobabies is well known for helping women to create much shorter, easier, and more comfortable labors, making childbirth the joyful experience it was meant to be" ("What is Hypnobabies" - hypnobabies.com). So what IS hypnosis and how does it work? Hypnosis is state where your body and mind are completely relaxed, yet the mind still remains aware and attentive. I like to think of it as a state of deep mindfulness meditation. You are in total control and will only do things you WANT to do. Anyone can be in hypnosis if they are willing. Throughout the course, you listen to many hypnosis relaxation tracks that guide you deeper and deeper into this relaxed state. For more on how it works, read this article from the Hypnobabies website. The article also lists statistics on effectiveness. Hypnosis in childbirth Our culture has created a sense of fear around childbirth. Fear causes tension, which can create pain, incite more fear, and the cycle continues. When the body and mind are able to relax, the uterine muscles can relax enough for baby to be born. No baby is going to get out of a uterus clamped tightly shut due to the adrenaline that fear causes. But, in birth more than relaxation is required. After all, your body is working hard through a tough process, no matter how natural. Therefore, Hypnobabies moms are taught in-depth hypnotic anesthesia techniques that allow them to enter hypnosis instantly and direct the natural hypno-anesthesia wherever it is needed, creating an easy and comfortable birthing experience. The founder actually used to teach Bradley classes and then Hypnobirthing classes (completely different from Hypnobabies) and found both to be lacking, so she created Hypnobabies. Read that story here. What do we do in the class? A lot of the class is the same as other classes - learning about the stages of labor, common hospital interventions, birth plans, etc. The differences is that Hypno-moms are instructed to only focus on positive messages about birth (to clear out the fear) and practice entering and deepening hypnosis every day. Every day I listen to a pregnancy affirmations track and a hypnosis track. I'm still skeptical... There is proof it works. If you're into research, here are a number of published studies on using hypnosis in childbirth. Want to read more proof with less research jargon? Here's a list of headlines (with links) where Hypnobabies made the news. Want to see it in action? Check out the Hypnobabies YouTube channel for real videos of real moms in labor using Hypnobabies. Want to experience this kind of hypnosis yourself? Here are some free downloads for anyone to try it! Still confused? That's ok. Honestly, I was too until I started the classes. I also tried to keep my explanations brief, for the sake of retaining an audience, but would be happy to elaborate and answer your questions elsewhere. The takeaway Know that birth can be easy and comfortable if you prepare well using the right method. If you are (or ever will be) looking for a childbirth class, consider Hypnobabies! There exists both in-person classes and a home study course to do on your own time at your own pace. Birth is a wonderful thing, and Hypnobabies can help you experience that. After the birth of our baby, I'll post a follow up on how Hypnobabies worked for me during my birthing time.
