embracing minimalism

Perhaps you’ve heard about the minimalist movement. Maybe you’ve even read Marie Kondo’s The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up or searched for minimalist home decor on Pinterest. To many, that may seem like a nice idea, but is it actually achievable? Well, my house probably won't show up when you search for minimalist decor, but I have been making more of an effort to do more with less and keep only what I love. 

I’ve always been one to purge every now and then. Growing up I was always the saver and when I grocery shopped with my mom she tended to spend less money. But like most people I’ve also held on to many things for “sentimental reasons” and had a closet full of clothes I maybe wore half of, probably less. I’m not quite sure what exactly spurred the change, but recently I’ve been wholeheartedly embracing minimalism. Perhaps we can blame my parenting reading (like Simplicity Parenting, great read by the way) and finding that kids do more with less, or maybe I was tired of staring at a closet full of clothes that didn't work with my breastfeeding, post-baby body. Whatever it is, I’ve made it my goal to cut out the clutter and be more intentional with my purchases, energy, and focus. 

So far I’ve attacked my closet, the bathroom, and our closet under the stairs. I'm finally giving away or donating all the things we don’t use, don’t need, don’t love, and shouldn’t save “just in case”. IT FEELS LIBERATING. With fewer shoes and clothes, there’s less to wash and put away. With fewer boxes in the closet I can actually get to the holiday box frequently. Now I want to PURGE ALL THE THINGS as my husband teases. 

I also want to keep the "stuff" out. With Christmas coming up, this is definitely on my mind. During the holidays consumerism runs rampant and, honestly, it makes me exhausted (and I want to stay away from the crowds in the stores). We’ve never been the type to pile on the gifts, but now I’m being extra careful to buy only a few things and make sure it’s something that will be loved. I’m also trying to give more and find people to serve instead of focusing on my wishlist. For the future we won’t be bringing in lots of toys, but will instead ask for experiences or money in Lyla’s college fund. 

As we add to our family over the years, it quite likely things will get crazy. Kids come with mess, busy schedules, lots of taxi driving and they expect to have clean clothes and food to eat, all of which requires lots of background work. While much of this is necessary, I also don't want to hurry through it all just to make it to the next thing. I don't want to spend so much time cleaning up after them that I can't enjoy moments with them. I want to be able to encourage the carefree and free-play childhood they have a right to. I want to say goodbye to extra toys and hello to connection, imagination, and creativity. 

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Minimalism is more than just having less stuff. It’s also not a competition to see who can have the tiniest house or the most bare shelves in their cupboards. To me, minimalism is focusing less on things and more on people and relationships. It’s keeping only things I use and love. Meeting our needs but not living beyond our means. Everything having a place so we spend less time dealing with stuff and more time with each other. Minimalism means being intentional with gifts and items we do get. Focusing on needs and giving to others instead of fulfilling every want. Realizing the difference between mess (house can look lived in: not always clean, but easily picked up) and clutter (takes up brain space and increases anxiety). It's also about clearing the online clutter and unplugging every once in a while. Reducing schedules, commitments, and prioritizing. Anything that makes your brain breathe again. 

The goal is to reduce stress by simplifying life. That principle resonates with me a lot. I’ve already seen the benefits. There’s less time spent being overwhelmed by too many choices and more thought and research put into every purchase. There’s less on the to-do list and more time spent living each moment in the moment. 

Have you minimized any aspects of your life? Will you join me on this journey? What simple step will you focus on next? 

am I a bad mom if...

Moms of this day and age often turn not only to their family and friends, but also to Facebook groups for advice and supporting on all things parenting. And there seems to be a group for just about everything!  Pros of asking an online group include quick responses from those in the same situation, lots of solutions to your dilemma, and perhaps anonymous advice from those who don't know you and won't judge you (and if they do, no one needs that drama and get out!).

Yet there is one type of post I see in almost every group I'm in. It often starts off with "Am I a bad mom if...". Whether they are genuinely concerned or looking for attention, how sad is it that we doubt ourselves so often. We all have bad days and moments we aren't proud of but for the most part we try our hardest to do the best we know how to. 

I'm a firm believer in the fact that our children were born into our particular families for a reason. We may be far from perfect parents but you are the perfect mom-to-child fit for your babe. 

There is no shame in admitting you are wrong, or don't know something, or should have acted better. In fact there is great strength in reaching out and asking for help! But let us be kinder to ourselves. 

No, you are not a bad mom. Not even if you lost your temper, or regret today, or said something you shouldn't have. You are human and you are trying.  Kids may think mom has superpowers, but every mom knows what it's like to stare at herself in the mirror and wonder "am I enough?" 

Take a lesson from your precious little ones and love yourself no matter what. Even on bad days they are grateful to have a mom that loves them. You can try again tomorrow.