What do I mean by this? When information is shared, often times if it is an opposing viewpoint, it is sometimes interpreted as a personal attack. Just because I do things differently doesn’t mean I think you’re a bad person who is setting your kids up for certain failure. But it also doesn’t mean I’m going to apologize for advocating what I believe to be the best practice.
For example, breast vs. bottle feeding. It is a fact that babies need food, I think we can all agree on that. Unfortunately as I've tried to educate and promote breastfeeding, I've been shut down by the phrase "fed is best" because I shouldn't offend moms who can't breastfeed or choose not to. Except that wasn't my point. My point was to share breastfeeding resources. My point was that moms who have more knowledge and support are more likely to continue breastfeeding. It's a proven fact that breastmilk has more components and beneficial qualities than formula, but that doesn't mean I hate formula!
I've come across this attitude in way too many situations. If I advocate for waiting for babies to be born when they are ready, I'm not sensitive to those who've been told by their Drs to induce (yes medical inductions are necessary but many inductions are elective and unnecessary). If I tell a mom to consider waiting to start solids with her 4m old even though her Dr said it was ok to start (AAP says 6 months) than I apparently I'm telling her to not listen to medical professionals. If I ask a mom why she plans to wean at one because did she know there's many benefits of breastmilk beyond that age (the WHO even recommends a minimum of 2yrs), then I'm being nosy and should stay out of her business and not make her feel bad for weaning. If I tell a mom to listen to her gut when she says she can't stand to hear her baby cry at night to try a more gentle option than cry-it-out (potential negative side effects according to multiple sources) then I must not think that getting enough sleep is of the utmost importance. Apparently if I ask about the rational behind any moms decision that I don't trust her or think she's doing the wrong thing. Can you see I'm a little fed up here?
Sometimes people don't know what they don't know and if I never raise questions or suggest other options than it's a missed opportunity for learning. In fact, usually the original question asker is thankful for the extra information to consider and it's other moms who come along saying "hey, leave her alone, why are you questioning or suggesting other options?". Or one my favorites is "hey, how dare you tell her to not listen to her Dr at all costs!", nevermind trying to ask the Dr why, or finding a second opinion, or praying about it.
I will always try to be sensitive but I am not afraid to raise my voice with an opinion contrary to mainstream thought. And yet I still hesitate before I share information because I have to ask myself if trying to help is worth the risk of being labeled a mom-shamer and having to defend myself. How is that fair? Yes we need to support moms in need but not at the expense of those trying to help.
I guess my point is to think a little more carefully about what you're saying in these advice giving situations. Please don't start drama where it was never asked for. Please don't assume those sharing information of an opposing viewpoint are out to degrade and offend. Please be open to considering non-mainstream options if they have research to back it. Please pray about what is best in each situation. Let's be a little kinder to EVERYONE. Kindness makes the world go round.
(ok, rant over. but seriously, I'm so tired of this. anyone else ever get attacked for suggesting other options? how to do you handle it?)
For example, breast vs. bottle feeding. It is a fact that babies need food, I think we can all agree on that. Unfortunately as I've tried to educate and promote breastfeeding, I've been shut down by the phrase "fed is best" because I shouldn't offend moms who can't breastfeed or choose not to. Except that wasn't my point. My point was to share breastfeeding resources. My point was that moms who have more knowledge and support are more likely to continue breastfeeding. It's a proven fact that breastmilk has more components and beneficial qualities than formula, but that doesn't mean I hate formula!
I've come across this attitude in way too many situations. If I advocate for waiting for babies to be born when they are ready, I'm not sensitive to those who've been told by their Drs to induce (yes medical inductions are necessary but many inductions are elective and unnecessary). If I tell a mom to consider waiting to start solids with her 4m old even though her Dr said it was ok to start (AAP says 6 months) than I apparently I'm telling her to not listen to medical professionals. If I ask a mom why she plans to wean at one because did she know there's many benefits of breastmilk beyond that age (the WHO even recommends a minimum of 2yrs), then I'm being nosy and should stay out of her business and not make her feel bad for weaning. If I tell a mom to listen to her gut when she says she can't stand to hear her baby cry at night to try a more gentle option than cry-it-out (potential negative side effects according to multiple sources) then I must not think that getting enough sleep is of the utmost importance. Apparently if I ask about the rational behind any moms decision that I don't trust her or think she's doing the wrong thing. Can you see I'm a little fed up here?
Sometimes people don't know what they don't know and if I never raise questions or suggest other options than it's a missed opportunity for learning. In fact, usually the original question asker is thankful for the extra information to consider and it's other moms who come along saying "hey, leave her alone, why are you questioning or suggesting other options?". Or one my favorites is "hey, how dare you tell her to not listen to her Dr at all costs!", nevermind trying to ask the Dr why, or finding a second opinion, or praying about it.
I will always try to be sensitive but I am not afraid to raise my voice with an opinion contrary to mainstream thought. And yet I still hesitate before I share information because I have to ask myself if trying to help is worth the risk of being labeled a mom-shamer and having to defend myself. How is that fair? Yes we need to support moms in need but not at the expense of those trying to help.I guess my point is to think a little more carefully about what you're saying in these advice giving situations. Please don't start drama where it was never asked for. Please don't assume those sharing information of an opposing viewpoint are out to degrade and offend. Please be open to considering non-mainstream options if they have research to back it. Please pray about what is best in each situation. Let's be a little kinder to EVERYONE. Kindness makes the world go round.
(ok, rant over. but seriously, I'm so tired of this. anyone else ever get attacked for suggesting other options? how to do you handle it?)
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