I recently read an article that suggested that instead of asking ourselves what we want out of life, we should ask what pain we want to sustain and what we are willing to suffer through. For example, everyone wants a great job, but not everyone wants to plod through long hours, stressful weeks, and obnoxious paperwork. This was a completely new idea to me. I not only have to want the outcome, but I have to want the cost too? The author even suggests that if we never act on our desires, that they are only a fantasy and we never really wanted them enough.
There are few things I can think of where I wanted the costs enough to pursue something out of self interest and not because I was compelled or obligated. Last year I went the month of January without sweets after a sugar filled December. Surprisingly, I actually enjoyed the internal struggle of passing the plate of cookies since I knew I was doing it for myself and because I wanted to feel that longing but not give in. I also once signed up for a "lazy man iron man" where I was to complete the lengths of swimming, running and biking an Iron Man in a month's time. I have never worked out so much or so hard in my life (especially since at the time I was taking two other exercise classes and three dance classes), but I also was so proud of myself for sweating so much and for continuing to press forward even when it felt like my body was broken.
I can also think of times where perhaps I wasn't willing to suffer the costs, even if I didn't realize it. During college I got swept into the world of ballroom. I quickly got involved in whatever classes I could sign up for and even started competing with a partner. I remember feeling proud when my coach said that even though we were starting out as "sucky beginners", we worked harder than many of his other students, especially those at the same level. Then when the school year ended, my partner and I went separate ways and I never really came at ballroom with the same intensity again. I progressed but not very quickly, and I never competed with a partner again. I said it was because I was getting married and needed to focus on that, or because as newlyweds we didn't have a lot of money, or because I needed to focus on graduation, but ultimately by the end I was looking back wishing I had had the guts to just go for it, no matter the cost. Perhaps I didn't want it enough, or I wasn't willing to suffer through the long practices, pricey competitions, and exhausting schedule. I also wonder if that's why grad school didn't happen right after graduation. Did I really want to go to more school if I barely studied for the GRE, didn't research other schools available, and wrote my statement of intent at the last minute?
As we come upon the new year I ask myself, what am I willing to suffer through? Where will I willingly endure the pain, and not just the outcome? The first thing that comes to mind is childbirth. Recently, I've been reading every book I can get my hands on that people recommend on the subject. I have never immersed myself so thoroughly in a subject outside of a school project. I want to do everything I can to mentally, spiritually, and physically prepare and I am looking forward to what will hopefully be a natural childbirth with every sensation of energy and pressure felt. Not only am I willing, I am excited to experience this rite of passage into motherhood. Even though I obviously haven't given birth yet, there is some sense of accomplishment in doing all I can to be ready to experience (and not just "get through") the costs, and not just focus on the outcome.
So what are you willing to go through? What goals will you set this year that you know you will actually accomplish because you want the process and not just the end result? I'd love to hear about them.
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