As time goes on we learn more and more about how babies grow and develop and what the best ways to raise them are. Our guiding organizations change their guidelines and new books are written telling us we now know better and here are the new rules. The problem is, old advice still lingers and causes confusion, especially when coming from a source we trust. Most of this is due to misinformation or simply not knowing the new advice. Our grandparents may not be as in the know about current baby practices as when they were raising babies of their own and unfortunately even Drs aren’t always required to stay up to date on topics other than medicine (such as nutrition or breastfeeding).
So how do you know what is best and current? Fact check what you hear with the World Health Organization or American Academy of Pediatrics websites and always go to an expert in the subject you want to know more on (eg. a certified lactation consultant when struggling with breastfeeding). You can even turn around and then inform those around you, especially those who gave you inaccurate advice (just be sensitive, tactful, and cite your sources - face to face conversations also work better).
Sounds easy right? Except there are many who cling to old advice and still propagate it, even arguing it is better than current recommendations. Many claim that these old practices “still work” or are “good enough”. They may say “well my kid turned out fine” or “what is wrong with how I did things?”. All these statements have a basic underlying assumption: because current practice is different from what I did then, I must have been wrong and/or a bad parent and therefore I need to defend my practices.
It is not necessarily easy to accept there are better ways to do things than you knew, but that’s the point - we didn’t know better yet! Changing standards are not a reflection of you as a parent, they are simply a sign of changing times and advances in science. And because of that it is time to let the old advice die. New advice is not an attack on your parenting skills. Yes kids may have “turned out just fine” but don’t we want kids to do more than just survive? Don’t we want our kids to thrive and turn out better than we did?
I know so many friends who have parents, grandparents or other family members who pressure them with old advice, insisting that they know best. It makes it hard for young moms to do what they know is current while maintaining a good relationship with these family members who take the new practices as a personal affront. Let it go! Easier said than done, but to support moms today it’s often necessary to take a humble pill and focus on THEM and not our experience.
My dad said to me once “if you can raise Lyla better than we raised you than more power to you”. I loved that! It let me know my parents have my back and support me. I know they won’t be pressuring me to do what they did just because they did it, but to do my own research and do what’s best for Lyla right now.
I think if every parent/grandparent/etc. adopted that attitude there’d be a little more support instead of contention. And because I’d rather not be labeled as a hypocrite I will try to do the same when I become a grandparent in the far future. Until then, I will support the friends who don’t have that kind of attitude in their family because goodness knows there are many.
Does your family pressure you to follow outdated advice? What is it? What do you do about it? Let’s discuss.
