At the birth center my midwife Heather and her assistant hurried to get things ready as I sat on the birth ball moving through each wave. Cameron was great in making up his own hypnosis scripts and repeating the PEACE and RELAX cues and Jennie's hip squeeze made things so much more comfortable. When everything was set up Heather checked me and I was dilated to a 2. Feeling a little disappointed (everyone, including my midwife, thought I would be farther along), we went outside to walk around for a bit. In the middle of the night we walked laps around the parking lot for half an hour, then came back and I was checked again - dilated to a 3. By this point I was exhausted, having had no sleep, and decided to stay on the bed for a while. Cameron and I fell asleep and I think everyone else went to take naps in the other birthing suites, hoping my body would work its way open. By morning time I had moved to sleeping on the couch in the waiting area and my waves had slowed down to about 10-15 minutes apart. Jennie had gone back home to wait until things picked up again, and we decided we should too.
Tuesday is a bit of a blur for me. Pressure waves continued, but not at consistent intervals. I took a shower, got in the bathtub a couple times, moved around the house, and we watched some Netflix for a distraction. All day long my mom and Cameron helped me through each wave and tried to get me to eat and drink, which was hard because I didn't feel like eating and when I did I felt nauseous. I think Jennie came at some point and then left again, but I honestly can't recall. When night came, I again couldn't sleep, although by this point we were all getting so tired there was definitely some nodding off in-between waves. Eventually waves did get closer together and at about 4am we headed to the birth center again.
Coming back to the birth center in the middle of the night definitely had a sense of deja-vu to it. This time I was at 6cm - progress, but not quite enough. After laboring for a little while longer I agreed to have my water broken to see if we could help my body along. That definitely amped up the intensity of the pressure waves, and by this point I was so tired that I started having a few panicked moments where I doubted my ability to do this. During some waves I'd even break from my hypnosis cues and cry out in frustration. Since I knew water had helped before, I got into the tub and stayed there for the rest of the time. Poor Jennie and Cameron had their heads down on the side of the tub falling asleep in between waves and I'm pretty sure I drifted off a few times as well.
Somewhere towards the end another assistant joined us, an older, grandmotherly type lady and I think she was my saving grace. I held her hands during waves and kept asking her questions about what my body was doing, trying to figure out how much longer I had to keep going. She helped me recognize I was close, probably going through transition, and that I would meet my baby soon. I think she gave me hope I wouldn't be in labor forever. I remember saying something like "I can't be one of those people who has to push for hours, I just can't!" When I started feeling more pressure below, Heather came in and checked me again. This time I was at a 9, but there was a lip of cervix had started to swell and wasn't fully dilating. I later learned that at this point Heather was concerned I could be a possible hospital transfer considering that as a first time my mom my baby was posterior (or so we'd recently found out - she hadn't been that way at my appointment a few days previous) and now my cervix was starting to swell, which was a problem because my body had started to push with every wave. I needed to relax during waves to let my body finish opening up and it was time to do anything we could to help my exhausted body do that. Heather suggested the nitrous oxide and I agreed. When a wave came I would take a breath from the mask and then try to breathe out the pressure instead of letting it build and push below. The laughing gas didn't change the intensity of what I was feeling, but I think it helped take the edge off so I could relax better.
After about an hour of this, Heather came back to check on my progress and exclaimed "your baby is almost crowning! keep going!" That was a proud moment. We put away the laughing gas - it was go time! Now that I was allowed to give in to my body's urge to bare down, pushing was so relieving. Slowly but surely, baby came down the birth canal and I could reach down and feel her head starting to poke out with each wave. Her head kept poking out and going back in so we switched to the birth stool so
We cut the cord after it stopped pulsing and my birth team helped me over to the bed where they placed baby on my chest, skin to skin. We snuggled under warm towels and blankets as I easily delivered the placenta and Heather gave me a few stitches for a tear I had. Then they left us alone to bond and get to know each other. Jennie did help me latch baby for the first time and she seemed a natural at it. After giving us an hour or two, Heather an her assistant came back to weight and measure baby - 6lb 12oz and 19.5in long. She was even quiet through the whole thing. A little while later my mom showed up and helped us get food and pack up ourselves and baby and we headed home around 12:30, just a few hours after she was born. I was nice to go home and rest in our own beds.
At first, when I looked back on my birth experience I was a bit disappointed that it wasn't like the completely peaceful hypnobabies birth videos I'd watched; there was definitely no laying on the bed silent and still during each wave - I was moving and vocal and even broke my hypnosis a couple times. I reached out to my hypnobabies support group and told them what I was feeling. They reminded me that I was strong for going through a long labor and birthing naturally, that perhaps my need to move was because of baby's posterior position, and that moving around could have helped her get into place. Other moms related that they had similar experiences and I came to realize that "the birthing journey that I [was] on [was] the best one for me and my baby." Did I have my moments that I struggled? Sure. But hypnobabies helped me relax most of the time and gave me the tools to come back to hypnosis when I lost it. I also realized that even though it was hard, I remember feeling "intense pressure", not "pain". 
Later on her birth day I had someone ask me if birth had been a spiritual experiences as some describe. After a long pause I simply said that that wasn't quite the word I would use. I hadn't really slept in 3 days, crowning was probably the most uncomfortable thing I've ever experienced, and I was still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I was now in charge of a small human child - spirituality wasn't exactly at the forefront of my mind. However, now that it's been a few days and I'm looking back, I can definitely say there is an element of spirituality, and certainly empowerment, at least in knowing what I did and having had a natural birth experience. "The desire to create is one of the deepest yearnings of the human soul" (Happiness, Your Heritage by Dieter F. Uchtdorf) and in giving birth I was partaking of my divine destiny to do so. If nothing else I can say that I did it! There were a few unexpected turns but I did indeed bring my daughter into this world. I pushed her out and felt every sensation of it. Overall, I believe I had the birth experience I was hoping for and every moment was completely worth it. Welcome to the world, Lyla Dunn! Welcome to the world.
I love reading birth stories! Yours is amazing! Natural labor with no sleep! Wow! And I agree that pushing was much easier when that time came. Something to focus on. Great job!
ReplyDelete- Chelsea Decker