how is my baby almost a year?!

Lyla's birthday is coming up and I'm getting emotional about it. A year ago I was due and a year ago I held my tiny baby in my arms for the first time. She’s gotten so big since and her personality blossoms every day. How things have changed!

Birth is a vulnerable thing so looking back on how that exhausting time opened my heart to a tiny little soul brings tears to my eyes. My thoughtful midwives sent Lyla a birthday card in the mail today and it just brought waves of memories back. 

But some of those tears are memories of hard times. 9 or 10 months ago if you’d suggested the year would go by quickly I’d have thrown something at you. The first four months dragged by and it wasn’t until 6 months that I felt I was enjoying motherhood. The nights were long and some days seemed even longer as I spent hours trying to rock my sobbing child, begging the clock to go faster and bring my husband home. 

There were good moments too: baby coos, first smiles and giggles, early crawling and climbing, watching as Lyla gradually let herself be known in this world. It’s been fun to see her develop at her own pace and show us her interests. I feel honored to be her safe place where she wants to find refuge. I still love every cuddle and nursing session that we have. 

Motherhood is the hardest thing I have ever done and this season of patience and sacrifice isn’t one I always embrace willingly but I do know that I love my little girl with all my heart. I can’t believe we made it. One year down, many to go. 

To all the mothers out there: enjoy what you can, endure what you have to, and ask for help at every turn. So far what they say is true - the days go by slowly but the years go by quickly. It’s a little sad that my sweet girl will never be so tiny and dependent again, yet on the other hand I’m excited to see what the next few years bring. 

Lyla-bug, I love you my baby girl. You will always be the one who made me a mother. 

breastfeeding: the "if" vs. "when" attitude

*disclaimer: this can be a hot button topic and I am going to try to be as respectful and sensitive as I can while still conveying my message*

Lyla breastfeeding as a newborn

Breastfeeding can be a wonderful relationship with a bond only a mother and child can share. But it's not always easy. Many people go through rough patches (which is oh so common as you both adjust!) and some decide they want to switch to formula instead. I always say that a breastfeeding relationship is more likely to be successful if the mom has knowledge, support, and confidence in the process. Confidence can come from success but it can also come from having supportive family and friends who don't doubt you from the beginning. And that is where I want to focus.

I have noticed a potentially problematic general public attitude of "if" you can breastfeed (and before you get fired up about that statement, just hear me out). Note that the decision of whether to breastfeed or not is a very personal one and either way it's important that you do what's best for you and baby. But I said "if" you CAN not "if" you CHOOSE. The reality is most women around the world are physically able to breastfeed.

And yet it can be so devastating to discontinue when you really wanted to make it work and we want avoid making moms who stop early feel bad, because that's definitely not nice or productive. But in our efforts to avoid upsetting those who struggled to breastfeed, it would seem that the general public tiptoes around the subject entirely, even to the point that we don't encourage people to keep trying when they want to. We may assume everyone is going to run into such struggles that they want to quit.

I get that we don't want to set moms up for feeling like failures if they don't continue to feed their baby that way, but I think this general attitude has gone too far the other direction. I even wonder if this cautious approach has made it difficult for some moms who want to breastfeed but who don't have the knowledge or support it takes. If an individual mom tells herself that she's just going to just try breastfeeding and see how it goes (and then only continue if it works out), that's totally fine! It may even help her not to set high expectations from the start. But the general inclination seems to be that we're going to assume that everyone is going to stop breastfeeding and switch to formula at some point, which simply isn't true.

For example, in one forum a women asked why stay at home moms like to pump and have a stash if they are always with baby. Comments often said they wanted an emergency stash in case something happened (makes sense) but many also said they wanted a stash for WHEN their milk dried up (the assumption being that it inevitably would before they were ready to stop). I've heard the advice given that you should give baby some formula every now and then so they get used to the taste for WHEN you can't breastfeed anymore and need to switch to formula (see, this one makes no sense because offering formula before there's a need can impact and decrease your supply). If the general message given is that no matter what you do or how hard you try, you're probably going to need formula at some point, not only is this not accurate for everyone, but it's discouraging for the moms who are actually doing well but being told to doubt themselves anyways.

Again, I don't want to presume anything about why anyone stops breastfeeding, and I don't think having confidence will solve all problems. But my message here is that many moms who are doing great have family, friends, and even strangers who question their abilities and set back the breastfeeding relationship when they were doing just fine without the negative pressure.

Yes, let's support all moms no matter how they decide to feed their baby. But let's also actually support moms who want to make breastfeeding work. It's ok to say that it's ok to switch to formula if it's too hard, but you know what? It's also ok to persevere and try to keep going. It's ok to be confident in breastfeeding, even from the start when things are a bit tricky.  It's ok to not buy formula "just in case" and to plan on breastfeeding for two years with no thoughts about drying up early.

It's said that we shouldn't assume every mom is going to breastfeed. But let's also not assume that every mom is going to inevitably switch to formula. Let's let the mom lead and then offer genuine support whatever direction she decides to go.

let the old advice die

As time goes on we learn more and more about how babies grow and develop and what the best ways to raise them are. Our guiding organizations change their guidelines and new books are written telling us we now know better and here are the new rules. The problem is, old advice still lingers and causes confusion, especially when coming from a source we trust. Most of this is due to misinformation or simply not knowing the new advice. Our grandparents may not be as in the know about current baby practices as when they were raising babies of their own and unfortunately even Drs aren’t always required to stay up to date on topics other than medicine (such as nutrition or breastfeeding).

So how do you know what is best and current? Fact check what you hear with the World Health Organization or American Academy of Pediatrics websites and always go to an expert in the subject you want to know more on (eg. a certified lactation consultant when struggling with breastfeeding). You can even turn around and then inform those around you, especially those who gave you inaccurate advice (just be sensitive, tactful, and cite your sources - face to face conversations also work better). 

Sounds easy right? Except there are many who cling to old advice and still propagate it, even arguing it is better than current recommendations. Many claim that these old practices “still work” or are “good enough”. They may say “well my kid turned out fine” or “what is wrong with how I did things?”. All these statements have a basic underlying assumption: because current practice is different from what I did then, I must have been wrong and/or a bad parent and therefore I need to defend my practices. 

It is not necessarily easy to accept there are better ways to do things than you knew, but that’s the point - we didn’t know better yet! Changing standards are not a reflection of you as a parent, they are simply a sign of changing times and advances in science. And because of that it is time to let the old advice die. New advice is not an attack on your parenting skills. Yes kids may have “turned out just fine” but don’t we want kids to do more than just survive? Don’t we want our kids to thrive and turn out better than we did? 

I know so many friends who have parents, grandparents or other family members who pressure them with old advice, insisting that they know best. It makes it hard for young moms to do what they know is current while maintaining a good relationship with these family members who take the new practices as a personal affront. Let it go! Easier said than done, but to support moms today it’s often necessary to take a humble pill and focus on THEM and not our experience. 

My dad said to me once “if you can raise Lyla better than we raised you than more power to you”. I loved that! It let me know my parents have my back and support me. I know they won’t be pressuring me to do what they did just because they did it, but to do my own research and do what’s best for Lyla right now. 

I think if every parent/grandparent/etc. adopted that attitude there’d be a little more support instead of contention. And because I’d rather not be labeled as a hypocrite I will try to do the same when I become a grandparent in the far future. Until then, I will support the friends who don’t have that kind of attitude in their family because goodness knows there are many. 

Does your family pressure you to follow outdated advice? What is it? What do you do about it? Let’s discuss.

the fear of mom shaming

Bullying sucks and unfortunately it’s not always left on the playground as we grow up. Mom shaming is real and it can hurt. For the most part we’re all doing what we think is best for our kids. It’s important to let moms evaluate the information and risks of various situations and then decide what is best for their kid and their family - that’s part of the job description. However, sometimes we are so afraid of offending we tiptoe a little too lightly. Sometimes the fear of being called judgemental gets in the way of sharing good information. Sometimes we get shamed for misinterpreted “mom shaming”.

What do I mean by this? When information is shared, often times if it is an opposing viewpoint, it is sometimes interpreted as a personal attack. Just because I do things differently doesn’t mean I think you’re a bad person who is setting your kids up for certain failure. But it also doesn’t mean I’m going to apologize for advocating what I believe to be the best practice.

For example, breast vs. bottle feeding. It is a fact that babies need food, I think we can all agree on that. Unfortunately as I've tried to educate and promote breastfeeding, I've been shut down by the phrase "fed is best" because I shouldn't offend moms who can't breastfeed or choose not to. Except that wasn't my point. My point was to share breastfeeding resources. My point was that moms who have more knowledge and support are more likely to continue breastfeeding. It's a proven fact that breastmilk has more components and beneficial qualities than formula, but that doesn't mean I hate formula!

I've come across this attitude in way too many situations. If I advocate for waiting for babies to be born when they are ready, I'm not sensitive to those who've been told by their Drs to induce (yes medical inductions are necessary but many inductions are elective and unnecessary). If I tell a mom to consider waiting to start solids with her 4m old even though her Dr said it was ok to start (AAP says 6 months) than I apparently I'm telling her to not listen to medical professionals. If I ask a mom why she plans to wean at one because did she know there's many benefits of breastmilk beyond that age (the WHO even recommends a minimum of 2yrs), then I'm being nosy and should stay out of her business and not make her feel bad for weaning. If I tell a mom to listen to her gut when she says she can't stand to hear her baby cry at night to try a more gentle option than cry-it-out (potential negative side effects according to multiple sources) then I must not think that getting enough sleep is of the utmost importance. Apparently if I ask about the rational behind any moms decision that I don't trust her or think she's doing the wrong thing. Can you see I'm a little fed up here?

Sometimes people don't know what they don't know and if I never raise questions or suggest other options than it's a missed opportunity for learning. In fact, usually the original question asker is thankful for the extra information to consider and it's other moms who come along saying "hey, leave her alone, why are you questioning or suggesting other options?". Or one my favorites is "hey, how dare you tell her to not listen to her Dr at all costs!", nevermind trying to ask the Dr why, or finding a second opinion, or praying about it.

I will always try to be sensitive but I am not afraid to raise my voice with an opinion contrary to mainstream thought. And yet I still hesitate before I share information because I have to ask myself if trying to help is worth the risk of being labeled a mom-shamer and having to defend myself. How is that fair? Yes we need to support moms in need but not at the expense of those trying to help.

I guess my point is to think a little more carefully about what you're saying in these advice giving situations. Please don't start drama where it was never asked for. Please don't assume those sharing information of an opposing viewpoint are out to degrade and offend. Please be open to considering non-mainstream options if they have research to back it. Please pray about what is best in each situation. Let's be a little kinder to EVERYONE. Kindness makes the world go round.

(ok, rant over. but seriously, I'm so tired of this. anyone else ever get attacked for suggesting other options? how to do you handle it?) 

A review on Minimalism: a documentary about important things

I just finished watching "Minimalism: a documentary about important things" and it reminded me of why I embrace this way of life, but it also make me glad to have a divine purpose and perspective in my life. Here are some main takeaways and reflections I had about this documentary. 

Main takeaways 

• Stuff doesn’t make you happy. The thrill of the hunt gets you an item but then the thrill is gone, the void is there, and you feel even emptier. 

• People matter most. The relationships we have give way more meaning to our lives than what we can do or acquire. 

• Things crowd our lives. When we get rid of the excess, things are simpler and healthier. It’s like the fog has been lifted from our eyes and we are life anew. 

• Minimalism at its core is about living intentionally. When you are deliberate with your choices and your actions you not only keep to only what you need but you also live a life of integrity. 

Reflections 

So many individuals interviewed said they found themselves lost in consumerism with a lack of purpose. Having less and being intentional does clarify life, but purpose comes in knowing why we are here and who we are. I know I am a daughter of God and because of that I have an inherent worth to my soul. I don’t need to prove myself worthy of love, or consume to feel whole because God’s love will always be there to breathe importance into who I am. My ultimate goal is to become like Him and while minimalism helps me focus on that goal, it didn’t create it. I loved this film because it highlighted the many reasons I believe in doing more with less, but it also showcased the lack of perspective our world has for the reasons we are here on this earth. We are here to learn, to build families, and to practice righteous living that we may one day live with our Father in Heaven. 

Bottom line, I enjoyed watching the film and if you're looking to be inspired or fuel your minimalism fire, go watch it! But also remember that while stuff should not define who you are, neither does minimalism - your worth is inherent as a child of God.

today I miss “me”

Today wasn’t necessarily a hard day. Naps were ok, we saw friends at playgroup, we went on a walk. And yet as I lay here reflecting on what we did, I miss the old me. I miss the me that got to stay up and go out. I miss the me that could eat a peaceful meal and go the bathroom by herself. I miss the me that thought about me.

I recognize there are times and seasons for every stage of life and this is one where it's more about the littles, but that doesn't mean accepting it is always easy. Most of the time I can, but then there are days like today where I remember how it was so EASY to only worry about myself. How simple life would be if I could fill my days with hobbies, evenings with tv shows, and maybe even actually get household chores done consistently. And yet, how unfulfilling is that compared to what I do now.

Brene Brown tells us that if we shy away from things that are uncomfortable and uncertain, we limit ourselves. It is by leaning into vulnerability that we experience the full, broad range of emotions, including great joy. Parenting can be hard, but what joy there is in have a little person who loves you wholeheartedly. To know you are responsible for helping them to grow and flourish. The excited breathing and big gummy grin my girl gets when she sees me warms my heart so much!

But not today. Today I am just forlorn. And that is ok. Feelings pass and it's ok to feel sad, or angry, or upset. Today I will sit in and lean into my discomfort, knowing that perhaps a greater feeling of joy is around the corner. One day I will have more time for myself and I will miss the little snuggles and gummy grins. There are times and seasons for all feelings. 

looking back: 2017

This year both flew by faster than any previous year and had some of the slowest days of my life. The biggest event of the year was welcoming Lyla into our family on May 10th. The rest of the year also revolved around her and my journey into motherhood. Here's a review...

Part 1: waiting for baby (Jan-April)

• Switched health care providers to a midwife/birth center and felt SO at peace with it
• Cameron went through his own nesting phase and put our 72 hr kits together
• Trip to Florida at Valentines where we took maternity pictures
• Posted my blog and was overwhelmed by the positive response
• Felt overwhelmed by gathering baby items but confident in my life path (good-bye quarter life crisis)
• Found Hypnobabies and looked forward to birthing time 
• Felt like baby would never come and got tired of pesky questions 

Part 2: newborn days are hard (May-Aug)

• Overwhelming love for our little human
• Lots of Netflix and sleeping
• Lots of crying, both by mom and baby
• Obsessed over baby sleep
• Embraced emotions, hormones, and uncertainty; questioned if I would ever leave the house again
• Celebrated our Anniversary and first date out away from Lyla 
• Felt support by family, friends, and even complete strangers that helped get me through

Part 3: confidence in motherhood (Sept-Dec)

• Finally enjoyed being a mom
• Watched as Lyla learned to roll, sit, crawl, stand and start eating
• Started reading a ton of gentle parenting books 
• Had play dates with baby friends, went to playgroup and library story time
• Embraced minimalism and purged a lot 
• Celebrated Christmas with my family for the first time in 3 years
• Attended my sister's wedding 

This year I've learned that sometimes the best life strategy is to not have one at all, but to take things as they come and adapt where you can. I want to continue this in 2018 by embracing whatever happens and trying to improve myself along the way. Here are some more of my goals for this year...

• Keep connection my #1 goal with Lyla, even as we anticipate potential sleep regressions, tantrums, and picky eating
• Make my marriage a priority. I’m my strongest mama bear when I remember I’m a wife first
• Continue to read gentle parenting books
• Keep the clutter out! 
• Gradually minimize waste and bring in more reusable products instead
• Quill an “L” for Lyla’s room 

I usually don’t make resolutions because they feel forced and never end up happening, but I do think it’s a good chance to reflect and set new goals. So this year I’m trying again and being more intentional with them. 2017 was both a joy and an emotional roller coaster and I’m genuinely excited to continue to watch Lyla grow and see what else this year brings.

Happy New Year!

baby’s first Christmas

Merry Christmas!

Christmas-time is always a favorite time of year and this year we were excited to involve Lyla in all our festivities and traditions. Also, #realtalk, I have so many cute baby Christmas pictures I just had to share. 

Dec 4th we started with my father-in-law's company family Christmas party - dinner and the Luminaria exhibit at Thanksgiving point. I was worried about Lyla staying warm and being up past her bedtime but she was totally enthralled, content, and then fell asleep on the way home (which NEVER happens). She met Santa for the first time and wasn’t quite sure what to think. 

Dec 16th was our ward Christmas party. Lyla had a grand old time joining in on the breakfast and this time meeting Santa was met with something of a smile! 

Dec 22nd and 23rd we started on some Christmas baking (cranberry orange scones, orange rolls, and cinnamon rolls) and went on our annual Christmas light ride. Lyla definitely likes Christmas lights. She’ll even eat them if they’re close. 

Christmas Eve we enjoyed our church Christmas program and Lyla made friends with the old ladies in the congregation with her smiles and babblings while I was up on the stand with the choir. I was proud that I got Lyla’s bow to stay in at least for one picture. That evening we went to the in-laws (Farfar and Farmor) for a nice dinner and treats. Lyla loved the roast and cinnamon apples. 

Christmas Day started dark and early at 6:30 when baby woke up. We opened stockings and presents before having a carb loaded breakfast of the rolls, Einstein bagels (including green chile and a snickerdoodle flavor!) ham, egg nog and juice. Considering I’m a minimalist and Lyla finds boxes, wrapping paper, and ribbons more interesting than actual toys we didn’t get her much of anything except for a baby toothbrush, beanie baby, and a loofah to play with. I’m grateful our parents aren’t large gifters either, so from them we got one toy, an outfit, and my family’s literal presence as we haven’t spent Christmas with them in 3 years and

plane tickets are pricey during the holidays. Yay family! We had a White Christmas and snow actually stuck to the ground for the first time this season so Lyla discovered snow and mostly wanted to eat it. We spent the afternoon and evening playing, visiting, and eating with my family, some cousins/aunts/uncles and my mom's parents. Way too many people at once for our little girl so we had to frequently step out for a break but we managed. Lyla was certainly loved and adored by all including my siblings, most of whom had yet to meet her in person. 

For us Christmas is all about Christ, family, traditions, and treats. We love spending time with family making memories that will last far longer than any item given. As our family grows it makes the season even more special. Merry Christmas Lyla! 

FTMs: no free time but we’re not busy

With a baby attached to me (quite literally this week as we’re in the middle of separation anxiety), nothing is quite so simple anymore. My schedule revolves around nap time, making dinner takes twice as long, and we don’t leave the house together past 6 because bedtime is at 7. Most hours of the day (and night) my time is not my own. “Me time”, when it happens, has a whole new meaning.

At the same time I'm not super busy. When a mom friend wants a play date the answer is “YES PLEASE WE HAVE NO PLANS!” There’s always the weekly grocery trip or library run, we try to keep up on laundry and sometimes vacuum, but other than that I sit on the floor while my baby explores the living room and I message my husband at work. Also I can’t be the only one who makes up errands for something to do. 

No I am not yet chasing a toddler, or helping kids with homework, or acting as taxi driver. My to do list has a few things on it, but it’s not a struggle to keep up with. I have no deadlines, due dates, or appointments. We love our daily routine and I’m a big fan of having lots of independent free play, but the reality is sometimes I want more. 

We think of new moms as busy - they’ve got their hands full so why bother them? And while it’s true our hands are full of wiggly baby, we want to be bothered. We want plans, friends, and things to do. We will work around nap time but we have plenty of time otherwise.

Are you home with a little one? Let's have a play date! Try to take the initiative to set up get togethers (or even a regular play group) in your area. Maybe others will follow. 

*Note: written 11/30, FTM = first time mom

we're skipping the baby food

introducing peanut butter in peanut pasta

Lyla is over 6 months old (7 months now) and that means solids! Yes, we waited till 6 months as is the current recommendation by most health organizations these days including the AAP and the WHO. Traditionally that means heading to the baby food aisle (or making your own), spoon-feeding your little one, and gradually introducing table foods, but we're skipping straight to table food! These days it's a movement called "Baby-Led Weaning" (UK definition of weaning aka the introduction of solids, not discontinuing breastfeeding as it often means in the US), but babies haven't always been spoon-fed.

Background 

chewing some bread from a reuben

What solid foods babies have been fed varies based on time period and location, but the wide spread use of store bought baby food jars can essentially be traced back to advertising starting in the 1920s. By the 1950s 90% of Americans fed their babies jarred baby food and by 2002 that number was 99% (click for source). But this wasn’t always the way it was done; in fact some older family members may recall they did indeed simply give baby some of what they were eating, only it wasn't called "baby-led weaning" it was just called feeding your baby. Baby-led weaning (BLW) challenges the myth that infants must start on diets of liquid mush and while there is NOTHING wrong with going the traditional weaning (TW)  route, this post will clearly be biased towards BLW. But what about the research? Is this a fad? I'll be the first to admit that evidence based research on BLW is scant to nonexistent. It just hasn't really been done. But what research has been done along with the anecdotal research from thousands who have done it show it is feasible for most infants and has many benefits (the only real con is baby can get messy). 

Why bother?

Picture credit: Baby Led Weaning for Beginners Facebook Grou

• Give control back to baby: Babies and toddlers instinctively know what foods their body needs nutrition wise and how much to eat. They will not overfeed themselves. They become self-sufficient and confident at feeding themselves when they are given the chance to do so.

  

  learning appropriate bite size

• Learning to chew first: Spoon-feeding bypasses the gag reflex to encourage them to swallow the pureed food. BLW teaches baby to chew food first before swallowing. By experimenting with how much to bite off they learn appropriate bite sizes and are at a lower risk for choking.
• Tastes and textures: Food before one year isn’t about getting large amounts into your baby, it’s about letting them explore food and all its tastes and textures. It's a great learning experience and they learn more about what food is like when it's in its true form. 
• Convenience: Say goodbye to an increased grocery budget (no need to buy jars), waiting to eat your cold food (you eat at the same time as baby), and specially prepared meals (they eat what you eat). Less to do, so there's less stress! 

So how does this work? Here are the basics:

Picture credit: Baby Led Weaning for Beginners Facebook Group

• Before you start: Babies must meet the following requirements: 6 months of age by date (adjusted if preemie), able to sit unassisted, loss of tongue thrust, interest in food, starting to develop the pincer grasp. 
• Baby eats what you eat: There are NO first foods and no specially prepared meals for your kiddo. The only things to avoid are honey in all forms and too much sodium (400mg per day for baby if you want to be specific). It's also best to eat (and therefore offer) a well balanced diet with lots of fruits and vegetables. 

  

  baby eats what we eat but in finger shapes

• Appropriate food sizes: All foods should be cut into finger lengths when possible. Small foods like rice or corn are fine as is and round foods like grapes, tomatoes, or baby carrots should be cut into quarters length-wise. Choking hazards like nuts and popcorn should be avoided. Once baby has mastered chewing and the pincer grasp (around 9-10m), food can be cut into bite sized pieces (but not itty bitty pieces). 

  

  trying cheese

• Offer milk first: Milk is the primary source of nutrition until a year old and feedings should not be reduced until then. Offer breastmilk/formula 30-60 minutes before meals. Up to 2oz of water a day offered at meal time is ok but no more.
• Baby feeds themselves: Only place food on tray for baby to grab themselves. Puree-like adult foods (think yogurt or applesauce) are fine as long as you put the preloaded spoon on the tray for baby to use. Never put food in baby's mouth or hand them something. They need to be in control. 
• DO NOT INTERFERE WHEN GAGGING: 

  

  gag face

  Gagging is a built in safety reflex for when big food gets too close to the wind pipe. It can be unnerving to watch a baby gag at first but they will work it out themselves. Interfering can cause choking. Choking is rare and is NOT the same as gagging. Often those not familiar with the difference will see a gagging baby, exclaim “she’s choking!”, and want to take the food out but that is incorrect and dangerous. Educate yourself to know the difference.

BUT WHAT ABOUT..??

• Choking: Is rare. Take an infant CPR class so you know what it looks like and what to do in case it happens. Remember, gagging and choking are NOT the same thing. 
• Allergy foods: There is no 3 day rule (that's outdated info) unless you have a history of family allergies (then work with your Dr. on how to introduce). Introduce everything at 6 months. Any reactions would likely be pretty obvious and immediate. 
• Teeth:

  

  no teeth needed!

  There are no teeth needed to eat real food. The back teeth used for chewing don't come in until 2yrs old and by then all kids are eating solid food. Baby gums are tough and meant for chewing.
• Doing both BLW and purees: This is a big no, sorry. Yes in TW you eventually start offering solid food but if you’re going the BLW route you need to be fully committed. Sometimes spoon-feeding can cause confusion about whether to chew or swallow first (choking risk!) and it defeats the whole point of letting baby do it themselves by trial and error. If you’ve done purees for a few months already it’s also best to continue the traditional route. 

Lyla makes some great faces

Lyla's experience

I admit, her first meal I was a little nervous and watched her like a hawk. She did gag a lot and even threw up but it didn’t seem to phase her, she just wanted more food! We’re now a few weeks in and she rarely gags and we know she is eating some things because her diapers have become rather exciting. I’m always sitting with her and modeling eating but I don’t watch her as intently anymore, I just enjoy my meal. Not all babies will go for food immediately but Lyla is definitely gung-ho about trying food and she loves being included in family meals. I’m also happy to have my lap and hands free so I can eat too! Food so far has been a chill, stress-free experience with 0 extra prep and only a few extra baths. We LOVE BLW and are so glad we went this route. If you want to know more, read Baby-Led Weaning by Gil Rapley or I'd be happy to answer any questions! 

new food means intense concentration

Lyla tries steak!

Working on her pincer grasp

trying egg with her first meal

this blog gets a makeover

You may have noticed I changed the title of this blog and gave it a new logo/header. Here's the explanation for why:

When I started this blog a year ago, I had no idea what I was doing. If we're honest I often still have no idea, but I at least now have a feel for the type of posts I write and messages I want to share. I originally named it "my blog without a title" because without knowing what I was going for yet I didn't have a more appropriate title. Now that I've composed more posts and found my voice and passion I thought it was time for a new title, thus "the minimalist mama bear".

"mama bear"

Everyone knows not to come between a mama bear and her cubs. Likewise it has become my passion and life mission to do right by my kids and if you get in the way you better believe I will get protective. A big part of this is the large amounts of research behind the parenting philosophies I hold and decisions I make. I’m all for “do what’s best for you and your kids” but that should also be backed up by credible research and current recommendations. I believe in going the extra mile to be the respectful and gentle parent they need, even if it means more effort and sacrifice on my part. Motherhood is more than just something I do, it's become who I am. I could never get passionate in school like others seemed to, even in my major, but it would seem that in being a mom I have quite literally found my calling in life and will give it my all. The mama instinct is strong and the bear in me is not afraid to rear its head to defend my practices and educate others. 


"the minimalist"
If a mama bear is who I am, than minimalism is the way I strive to live. Less is more and be intentional. Minimalism was always appealing, but once I learned that kids thrive when they are not burdened by hectic schedules and play rooms full of flashy toys, but can instead be free to play regularly and use their imagination (perhaps with a few open ended toys), I was sold. If I may borrow a Danish word, I also like the idea of hygge (pronounced hue-guh), which is a feeling of being present, conscious of the current moment. It's a way of life that promotes well-being through cozy contentment, which I believe is easy to do once we minimize the clutter surrounding us. I want to live a wholehearted life, which means minimizing the voices in my head and letting go of scarcity, comparison, self doubt, perfectionism, and caring what people think. I strive to live authentically, true to my truest self, by minimizing the walls we sometimes build around ourselves and instead embrace vulnerability. To me, minimalism is certainly a lack of clutter and possessions, but it is also a way to make the most of life. 

Since this blog has turned into a place for me to write about things I'm passionate about and feel prompted to share, there's a lot of writing about life plans, parenting, lifestyle, etc. So far the "mama bear" theme has rang loud and true, but I also hope to include more "minimalist"/intensional living posts in the future. Though this online space has only a few followers, I love that I have a place to write (something I love doing) and share the messages I feel strongly about. Because this space essentially embodies me in a series of posts I thought it only fitting that it be named after not only what I write about, but also who I am and how I try to live. 

I hope you keep following along as I keep sharing and maybe we can both learn a little something along the way. 

embracing minimalism

Perhaps you’ve heard about the minimalist movement. Maybe you’ve even read Marie Kondo’s The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up or searched for minimalist home decor on Pinterest. To many, that may seem like a nice idea, but is it actually achievable? Well, my house probably won't show up when you search for minimalist decor, but I have been making more of an effort to do more with less and keep only what I love. 

I’ve always been one to purge every now and then. Growing up I was always the saver and when I grocery shopped with my mom she tended to spend less money. But like most people I’ve also held on to many things for “sentimental reasons” and had a closet full of clothes I maybe wore half of, probably less. I’m not quite sure what exactly spurred the change, but recently I’ve been wholeheartedly embracing minimalism. Perhaps we can blame my parenting reading (like Simplicity Parenting, great read by the way) and finding that kids do more with less, or maybe I was tired of staring at a closet full of clothes that didn't work with my breastfeeding, post-baby body. Whatever it is, I’ve made it my goal to cut out the clutter and be more intentional with my purchases, energy, and focus. 

So far I’ve attacked my closet, the bathroom, and our closet under the stairs. I'm finally giving away or donating all the things we don’t use, don’t need, don’t love, and shouldn’t save “just in case”. IT FEELS LIBERATING. With fewer shoes and clothes, there’s less to wash and put away. With fewer boxes in the closet I can actually get to the holiday box frequently. Now I want to PURGE ALL THE THINGS as my husband teases. 

I also want to keep the "stuff" out. With Christmas coming up, this is definitely on my mind. During the holidays consumerism runs rampant and, honestly, it makes me exhausted (and I want to stay away from the crowds in the stores). We’ve never been the type to pile on the gifts, but now I’m being extra careful to buy only a few things and make sure it’s something that will be loved. I’m also trying to give more and find people to serve instead of focusing on my wishlist. For the future we won’t be bringing in lots of toys, but will instead ask for experiences or money in Lyla’s college fund. 

As we add to our family over the years, it quite likely things will get crazy. Kids come with mess, busy schedules, lots of taxi driving and they expect to have clean clothes and food to eat, all of which requires lots of background work. While much of this is necessary, I also don't want to hurry through it all just to make it to the next thing. I don't want to spend so much time cleaning up after them that I can't enjoy moments with them. I want to be able to encourage the carefree and free-play childhood they have a right to. I want to say goodbye to extra toys and hello to connection, imagination, and creativity. 

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Minimalism is more than just having less stuff. It’s also not a competition to see who can have the tiniest house or the most bare shelves in their cupboards. To me, minimalism is focusing less on things and more on people and relationships. It’s keeping only things I use and love. Meeting our needs but not living beyond our means. Everything having a place so we spend less time dealing with stuff and more time with each other. Minimalism means being intentional with gifts and items we do get. Focusing on needs and giving to others instead of fulfilling every want. Realizing the difference between mess (house can look lived in: not always clean, but easily picked up) and clutter (takes up brain space and increases anxiety). It's also about clearing the online clutter and unplugging every once in a while. Reducing schedules, commitments, and prioritizing. Anything that makes your brain breathe again. 

The goal is to reduce stress by simplifying life. That principle resonates with me a lot. I’ve already seen the benefits. There’s less time spent being overwhelmed by too many choices and more thought and research put into every purchase. There’s less on the to-do list and more time spent living each moment in the moment. 

Have you minimized any aspects of your life? Will you join me on this journey? What simple step will you focus on next? 

am I a bad mom if...

Moms of this day and age often turn not only to their family and friends, but also to Facebook groups for advice and supporting on all things parenting. And there seems to be a group for just about everything!  Pros of asking an online group include quick responses from those in the same situation, lots of solutions to your dilemma, and perhaps anonymous advice from those who don't know you and won't judge you (and if they do, no one needs that drama and get out!).

Yet there is one type of post I see in almost every group I'm in. It often starts off with "Am I a bad mom if...". Whether they are genuinely concerned or looking for attention, how sad is it that we doubt ourselves so often. We all have bad days and moments we aren't proud of but for the most part we try our hardest to do the best we know how to. 

I'm a firm believer in the fact that our children were born into our particular families for a reason. We may be far from perfect parents but you are the perfect mom-to-child fit for your babe. 

There is no shame in admitting you are wrong, or don't know something, or should have acted better. In fact there is great strength in reaching out and asking for help! But let us be kinder to ourselves. 

No, you are not a bad mom. Not even if you lost your temper, or regret today, or said something you shouldn't have. You are human and you are trying.  Kids may think mom has superpowers, but every mom knows what it's like to stare at herself in the mirror and wonder "am I enough?" 

Take a lesson from your precious little ones and love yourself no matter what. Even on bad days they are grateful to have a mom that loves them. You can try again tomorrow. 

I’ll never wear my wedding dress again

I recently saw someone talking about how they were depressed about not being able to fit in their wedding dress anymore and it got me thinking...

How many of you who are married tried to get in shape for your wedding? (Me! LGN anyone??). Personally, the summer before I got married I was in the best shape of my life. I dedicated hours each day to working out and dancing. As a result I weighed the least I’ve been in adulthood and had the lowest amount of body fat. 

Then life moved on. And I’m not sad about it. In fact, here are five reasons why I celebrate my married mom bod. 

1. Wedding bodies are an unrealistically high standard. Let’s be real, I will never be that tiny again. So why obsess over it? I’d rather set achievable goals I can feel good about. I can be happy with how I feel and look and it’s not based on fitting into one item of clothing. 
2. I focus on the present, not the past. I used to think back a lot but I found myself spending more time reminiscing and missing the good ol' days instead of enjoying the present. Don’t let precious moments pass you by because your gaze is turned backwards. 
3. I had a baby. This changes things. My hips are wider. My rib cage is wider. My tummy has a little pooch. My chest is bigger. I haven’t lost all the baby weight. Some of those things I like, some I don’t, some I’m indifferent about, but either way it’s a fact of life. I may eventually get a bit smaller but my body is forever altered and I love the reason why.
4. My body is not my own. It is my baby’s. It’s currently focused on feeding her the nutrients she needs to live. Even when I’m not breastfeeding anymore, I won’t have a whole summer to spend on myself. I’ll always take care of myself, but from now on I focus on my kids and what I can do for them. 
5. I focus on health. That should be the ultimate goal. Even weight means nothing when measurements and muscle mass can fluctuate widely while the number on the scale stays the same. I want to work out and eat right so that I can have energy, feel good, not get sick, and live longer.

Size is such a silly thing to get caught up on, and yet so many of us are stuck on exactly that. I look back to my high school days in particular and remember how obsessed I was with my weight, if I had a flat stomach, etc. Compared to now I was a stick, so I’m not sure why I thought otherwise, but ultimately my displeasure with my body was a symptom of something else - I didn’t love myself. Once I later came to accept myself and love me for me as a person (and not just how clothes fit), numbers on the scale didn’t matter as much anymore. 

Yes, sometimes I still get sad when I can no longer fit the clothes I used to, but for the most part I try to focus on positive things (purging old clothes helped too). Kids watch everything we do, whether we know it or not. If my little girl sees me criticizing myself and my body and obsessing over size, she might end up with a similar high school experience. I want my daughter to love herself and her body and that starts with me setting that example. 

So the wedding dress will simply remain a precious memory, and not a lofty standard to hang over my head. I’ll be happier and healthier that way.